Talking to Lily Last Week (un: Nanashi)

[justonezero]

i was wrong. i really did talk to lily last week. or dv, or cubia, or whatever the name of that voice is.

when i said people should be able to return to reality, he said it was illogical to think people would be able to find happiness through others outside. and that it doesn't make sense for me to have hope for the world even though people outside hate me

he also decided that he likes me, so he decided to keep me. and since i called myself garbage, he said he'd fix me, but i'm so broken he wondered if it was better to break me down and make something new... i don't really know what he meant by those.

before he stopped talking, he told me he was giving me a gift so i could know what true happiness is. i think that's why i forgot how much people in reality hate me. ...i think he wanted to show how much happier i'd be if i stayed in the game and forgot about the outside world. but now that i remember it all, i don't want to stay here. so i guess that didn't work.

did anyone else who talked to him lose something too? and has it come back yet?

Comments

un: fuurin

[glassbell]

I let him take away one of my memories because I was missing the one after it. He said that was CyberConnect's fault.

He also said I'm not getting that memory he's taking away back, but the circumstances are different from yours, I think. I told him he could erase it because it made trying to survive here difficult without whatever the missing memory did for me.

un: hana

[threatmewted]

[Oh goddammit Fury.]

Why would you do that?

[glassbell]

He wasn't convinced I wanted to live enough to bring me back to life, and I wasn't sure he could do that anyways. It was an interesting talk, and better than dying alone in silence.

The memory was a better agreement.

To be clear also, Hien found and saved my life after all that. Not Lily.

[ How are you doing back there, not!Shoka. Wonder why your friend ate 3 EXP boosts? Here you go. ]

[threatmewted]

[Badly.]

He traded a memory for your life?

Why?

[glassbell]

He said something about wanting to save us, whether people believe it or not. However, he wasn't sure about saving someone who doesn't seem to have the will to live... And I was very worn out by everything that happened a week ago.

From what I do remember because it's sequential, I had a good memory that helped with overcoming a bad memory, but I lost the good memory, which is a "core" memory. He said those core memories will eventually be taken away from us by being here.

I agreed to give it up because I do want to live. Just... not burdened by some unburied trauma.

[ With all due respect for all the really nice people here, there aren't nearly enough resources in a messed up virtual world to deal with that. ]

[threatmewted]

[...]

There wasn't anyone you could talk to?

[glassbell]

[ ... ]

They're like a childhood friend if online ones count, and from a precious time in my life.

I just... couldn't let them see me like that. It's from a part of my life they never got to see, so I wanted to protect that old friendship, even when I didn't care about protecting myself.

[threatmewted]

You should tell them.

We all need to lean on each other here or we're all going to go crazy from stress.

[glassbell]

I really should, I probably seem the type who's easily distracted from bad things.

I think I know what's going to happen the longer we're here, and I should tell them about that too.

[ Spicy dessert... ]

[threatmewted]

[Cool!

Now that that convo is over she's just going to have a quick cry somewhere before he gets around to finding her.]

[tablescraps]

Lily killed you?

[glassbell]

No, I nearly died from the monsters in the root towns. I was underleveled and on my own most of the time. That was my fault.

[tablescraps]

( Mithrun reading Fuurin's other comments in the thread... )

It sounds like Lily did you a favor, then. You don't regret it?

[glassbell]

Him and Hien both.

I don't regret it. But if anything comes up as an consequence, should I let you know?

[tablescraps]

I think so. Better than no one knowing at all.

Do you need help as you are? Have you leveled up enough?

[glassbell]

I'm half-worried I secretly made a contract and will become a brainwashed minion or something, but I feel fine now. Not even anemic.

[ every anti-lily beta tester: ]

Company for material gathering is just fine, I have the levels handled.

[tablescraps]

It feels more like the people who defend Lily legitimately believe he's correct...

I can do that. Let me know whenever you need me.

[justonezero]

was it a bad memory?

[glassbell]

Yeah. I can still remember the bad memory before it, so if this one was worse and I lost the years it took to get over it in a core memory, I'm not going to regret that choice.

[justonezero]

...does that mean you did get over it eventually, though? and you lost that...?

[glassbell]

Something like that.

[ Scrolls back up to Nanashi's post. Thinks. Scrolls back down. ]

My more recent memories are torn up into pieces... But I'm pretty sure I lived alright despite all that. Nothing fancy, but I was happy with it.

[justonezero]

does anyone know why we're losing our memories? other than when lily takes them

[glassbell]

Do you want what Lily told me?

[justonezero]

yes please

[glassbell]

He said it was part of an experiment, and that it always CC Corp's plan to get rid of our memories, so that we're easier to manipulate.

We're guinea pigs.