Yoshi "Nanashi" Nanase (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
justonezero) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
netslum2023-10-17 04:40 pm
justonezero) wrote in netslum2023-10-17 04:40 pm
Talking to Lily Last Week (un: Nanashi)
i was wrong. i really did talk to lily last week. or dv, or cubia, or whatever the name of that voice is.
when i said people should be able to return to reality, he said it was illogical to think people would be able to find happiness through others outside. and that it doesn't make sense for me to have hope for the world even though people outside hate me
he also decided that he likes me, so he decided to keep me. and since i called myself garbage, he said he'd fix me, but i'm so broken he wondered if it was better to break me down and make something new... i don't really know what he meant by those.
before he stopped talking, he told me he was giving me a gift so i could know what true happiness is. i think that's why i forgot how much people in reality hate me. ...i think he wanted to show how much happier i'd be if i stayed in the game and forgot about the outside world. but now that i remember it all, i don't want to stay here. so i guess that didn't work.
did anyone else who talked to him lose something too? and has it come back yet?
when i said people should be able to return to reality, he said it was illogical to think people would be able to find happiness through others outside. and that it doesn't make sense for me to have hope for the world even though people outside hate me
he also decided that he likes me, so he decided to keep me. and since i called myself garbage, he said he'd fix me, but i'm so broken he wondered if it was better to break me down and make something new... i don't really know what he meant by those.
before he stopped talking, he told me he was giving me a gift so i could know what true happiness is. i think that's why i forgot how much people in reality hate me. ...i think he wanted to show how much happier i'd be if i stayed in the game and forgot about the outside world. but now that i remember it all, i don't want to stay here. so i guess that didn't work.
did anyone else who talked to him lose something too? and has it come back yet?
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i don't think you need to be fixed. and you're definitely not trash. So don't say that about yourself anymore.
and i agree, talking to voices is a bad idea.
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i don't know if i can agree honestly without feeling like i'm lying yet. sorry...
but i'm going to try to become the kind of person who can someday.
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but if i got there once because of lily, maybe i can make it there on my own. so i want to try.
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cw: suicidal ideation discussion potentially
and...
it sounds like there are people here who don't see a reason to keep living... people who are miserable in reality and only find happiness here
i'd like to wait for them in the real world, too. so there's something to return to.
;; bawwww
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but i think having people makes it worth it. so i want to go back and try it again.
i don't know if i can travel far enough to reach everyone. but i want to see people in that world and spend time in person if i can i think.
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there are ways. if you can't do it, then others could. i could. i'd just have to work longer hours
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it's just kind of annoying... but i like staying in and playing games anyway so...
[This might have also been a convenient reason to just play games all day instead of going out...........]
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[ a real life neet? if only sinclair was nerdy enough to know that term]
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it really did sound like you just wanted to go straight back to video games afterwards.
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